of evaluations

Every job has those moments where you have to sit and evaluate how you’re doing. Whether they’re formal events where Someone Important sits and grades your performance, or it’s a personal evaluation where you grade yourself based on how stressed out you are at the end of the day. Today was one of those days where I had both, and both of them turned out completely different.

I checked my work email to learn that I had been monitored. The Eye of Sauron hangs from the ceiling of every classroom–a silent yet present reminder that someone is always watching.

with no deactivating ring

Apparently someone from HQ–an hour away–watched my class. They gave rather positive feedback, praising a lot of the things I did. They were specific things too–so it wasn’t just a copy/paste response. Their suggestions were that I go over the directions more and make sure everyone is filling out the book correctly. Easy. I was feeling pretty good about myself.

maybe I can do this!

But then my personal assessment of the day showed something much different.

First off–my crazy Ninas were doing the book work per usual and I had the teacher’s guide in my hands to make sure they had the right answers. There was one exercise where they had to read a story and put five events in order. I didn’t read the story because with 11 different classes to prepare

Mr. E and Mystery decided the events went a way different from the teacher’s guide and I went to correct them–but they were adamant. They even opened their textbook to show me, and I did everything I could to rationalize the teacher’s guide answers–but the kids were right. There just was no way around it. I showed them the teacher’s guide as a last resort, which I shouldn’t have done, but Mr. E just said, “well the book is wrong,” and I couldn’t help but agree with them. I mean, they used their resources to prove a point, which is something even my Navi’s (three levels higher) don’t understand. This sucks because Mr. E already tells me I’m a bad teacher and this only undermines my status even more. I know this isn’t my fault, but still. It doesn’t change what it looks like in their eyes.

Then this evening Director ran in with an urgent question. She asked why my Ocean class only had half of their pages blank. I explained that I share the pages with Eunhwa teacher, and sometimes we don’t get them done. She went to Eunhwa teacher, who then said that no–we only share those pages on Tuesdays. On Thursdays, I have to do all of them because she does something else. I freaked out and consulted the stupid spreadsheet.

I see.

So basically on Tuesdays I’m supposed to cover half of the material in 50 minutes and on Thursdays I’m supposed to cover all of the material in 50 minutes–with the same class.

So now for the next few weeks I have to make up 10 pages per lesson, plus everything I already have to do. To give you an idea–each lesson is on average 2-4 pages. So that will be interesting.

So I started out feeling pretty good about myself and ended feeling horrible about myself but hey that’s life.

Also–apparently I used up all my wipi gigs which is weird because I only streamed two shows in the past week (?) so now I’m back in a coffee shop. But honestly, after a day like today, a mint-choco prape was exactly what I needed.

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